i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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