In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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