Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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