I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize