you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
