Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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