im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
