my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
