yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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