you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh god it's open bar.
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