I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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