i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
