Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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