Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
