my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They are going to name an STD after you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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