she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
