Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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