To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
