What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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