Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
