my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
