I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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