Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
