i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
