eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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