he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize