Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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