you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
