can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Panties = found
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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