what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
