And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
