So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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