I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
