i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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