The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize