Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
