Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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