We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
