ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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