Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
