I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
