walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
