in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
