you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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