8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
