we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
