My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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