do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
