need another drink. this is the easiest way
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
