I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
