That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
