im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
