So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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