Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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