Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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