tell your sister to shave her snatch
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
