Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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