The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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