it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
