I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
