I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
