what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
