Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
