i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
