i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
