I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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