dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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