You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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