absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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